tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I need a beard to bite.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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