That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Randomize
