I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
