Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
God, I missed his penis.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
