I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
