Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I AM VODKA MAN
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
