WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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