Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
