Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
