I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize