My first STD was from a foam party
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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