Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Randomize
