you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
