Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
