We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I need to calm my uterus...
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
