she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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