At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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