You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
