He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
