the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
