12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
vagina is talking i cant
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
