No stitches, just platelets and will power
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
