I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
