dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
