She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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