Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She even gives head with a lisp.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
