like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
