Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
