New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.