I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.