im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.