No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I want to be your penis for a week.
It's shark week go big or go home
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
