We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
