I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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