its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I have peed in a lot of sinks
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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