I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
