if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
