Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
