I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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