Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
