I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
