theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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