Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
