Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
