puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
