Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
