I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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