but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize