I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
