i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
