i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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