How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
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Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
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You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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