my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
