I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
This is the high leading the old right now
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
