I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Sorry about my life...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
