Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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