He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
operation have a gay friend backfired
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
