she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
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I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
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I am never drinking with the goths again.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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