I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
