Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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