bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Just puked most of my soul out..
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
